Chemistry

As I sit here taking a break from my marathon studying for Chemistry 60, I am both relieved that I've gotten my online homework done, and at the same time overwhelmed by all the formulas I must master by Saturday at 9:30AM when we have our first exam. The test is only on 2.5 chapters, but it's all the basics and if you can't master these, you might as well as forget about moving forward. Today while taking my test and figuring out the formula for Iron (III) Oxide (which is Fe2O3) I am confident that this is sinking into my brain. Maybe it's the coffee talking. :-))) Anyway, thankfully Alex has taken Colin out for donuts, golf and to the park so I can get this studying done.

Recently I had my 35th birthday and there were 20 some people at the house all to help me celebrate. I was really honored that so many could share my day. The one person however missing was my mom. She would've been the life of the party (rivaling Colin that is). After the party I was watching a video that Bruno had taken of me opening my gifts and it amazed me the mannerisms and quirky looks that she passed along to me. It was almost like having her there to look at myself. Still not the same at all.

The past three years have been difficult (she died 2 days before my birthday) and getting the thoughts out of my mind of her last days/hours, grasping for life and slipping into the everafter. Those horrible memories of her at her worst are slowly being replaced by thoughts of her wonderful life. It's hard to see someone go through that much pain without visualizing it over and over again like a bad dream. I keep telling myself there was nothing more I could do and yet I still wonder was there something that could've been done to ease her suffering more than the Morphine and our love.

By contrast my grandmothers passing was peaceful, clean and although expected it has been difficult. My comfort comes from knowing that she is "up there" with my mom and that they together are watching over us. Regardless, I still want them back!!! Reality is pretty crappy sometimes, but family and friends who share my grief are there to provide me with the outlet to talk and cry.

Sorry for all the death talk. Sometimes I cannot help but relive my past and think about how busy I am and that there really has been no time for mourning (whatever that is).

Then I see my son and know that he is the greatest blessing to me. Thank goodness for my father, Barbara, Jack, Tom, Sue, my aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. I love you all.